WATER WATER AND MORE WATER

I ended up going to my Grandma's friday night Shabbos dinner after they were done, and my nieces, grandma, and my brother gave me their advice on how to feel full without using FOOD!!

It was 248 calories, because when I got home I ate 5.5 egg whites!!!  Now I'm stuffed again!!!  

GOTTA GET THE WATER DOWN EVERY DAY!!! 

WEEK 2 DAY 1: Lost control of 248 extra calories.

I ate a reaally good lunch, then I lost all control after that.  I think I subconsciously attempted to derail my success because all morning I was feeling skinnier and lighter and better.  Then I had to go and overeat and feel all stuffed again.  The sugar in those yummy soy crisps and the salt in the crackers along with the increased hot flashes/hormones were working on me big time today!  OY!!!  

When it was all said and done, I ate 1248 calories today instead of 800-1000. Still it was a LOT less than I would have binged on, but as my oldest niece told me, "NO EXCUSES!"

I ended up going to my Grandma's friday night Shabbos dinner after they were done, and my other niece and my brother gave me their advice on how to feel full without FOOD!!  Please see the next blog to see what they said!

Compulsive over-eaters! "Waiting Tips!" for 20 mins. after a meal

As a compulsive over-eater, I will tend to eat and eat and eat because while I am eating I don't get full.  But, as an educated individual, I know that it takes 20 minutes for the brain to signal the body that you are full.  I know this.  However, as a compulsive over-eater I keep eating and eating and eating until I'm beyond full....until I'm stuffed....I eat until I'm ready to lay on the couch and watch TV for an hour.

As part of the eating disorder, and instead of beating myself up over doing this behavior, I have to embrace the practice of WAITING 20 minutes after I eat a meal.  If I practice enough, it will become a habit.  I'll just keep telling myself to wait 20 minutes and see how I feel, until it becomes a part of my everyday eating life.

Here are my supportive nieces and sister-in-law who have mastered their desires to overeat.  They offer their tips of what they do to pass the 20 minutes and NOT KEEP EATING!!!

OK, so this morning I had a Medifast oatmeal, a glass of water, and coffee.  I still wanted more food.  So, while waiting that 20 minutes, I had a conversation with my cat, BB.  We discussed mice and flossing. 

DAY 7 - Restaurants, MSG, sugar salt, and fat! AND SUGAR!

Today was my first full day back at work after giving myself a few days off to adjust to the new Take Shape For Life program.  I had it all planned out to have a small salad and a ground turkey patty at First Watch for lunch today, but my one Aunt was in from out of town and my other Aunt was meeting her for lunch at a Greek restaurant.  So I decided to join them. BOY!  Was I in for a surprise. 

My sugar obsession has kicked into high gear!  I can't stop talking about sugar, thinking about sugar, and wanting a dessert!

YOU'RE GETTING SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEPYYYYY!! 

Jabba the Hutt, Self Perception vs. Reality, & Take Shape For Life goals, and Unleash the Power Within!

I've been called many fat names in my life:  Tubby.  Butterball.  Shamu.  My brother once called me Jabba the Hutt, implying specifically that I am fat, lazy, lethargic, and...well...you get the picture.  I've developed thick skin when it comes to being referred to as fat.

I've been overweight my whole life, except for a brief year when I was 27 and was dieting and working out four times a week at the JCC in San Francisco.  I had a work-out buddy then and it made all the difference.  Work out buddies are essential, at least for me, because I AM fat, lazy, lethargic, and much more like Jabba the Hutt than Shamu!  I wish I could one day get to the point where I WANT to go to the gym on my own...or I WANT to go for a walk....but sadly, what I WANT to do is sit on my tush and catch up on the TV shows I've recorded, and I WANT to sit there and stuff my face at the same time while doing it!!!!   In the past I have hired personal trainers, because when I am paying real money and have an appointment, I am much more likely to go to the gym.

The weird thing is that I don't really comprehend exactly how much weight I have on my frame.  My perception is skewed about myself.  If I see a terrible picture of myself, I just blame it on bad angles and  how the picture was shot!  That's not really ME.  I am not THAT big.  I still think I weigh a lot less, I still think I look pretty good, and I still think I'm the same as I was a few years ago.

 My best girlfriend casually told me a year ago, "You tie your shoes like a fat person now," but it went in one ear and out the other.  Another friend even took me aside and told me that my weight was getting out of control and she was concerned for my health.  I was kinda pissed off at her, but she did it in such a loving way that it was less painful to hear than when my mom or grandmother would tell me to lose some weight.  And even my boyfriend at the time told me I wasn't attractive sexually anymore, and we stopped having sex.  But still, all those messages went in one ear and out the other.  I had been hearing how fat I was my whole life, and I was immune to listening.

My Dad jolted me into reality!  He asked, "Can you still tie your shoes?"

I was like, "Yes, but I don't bend down to do it anymore!"  I lift my leg up and cross it over my other leg, and THEN I can reach my shoes to tie them.  Right now there is too much belly in the way to bend down and it is really uncomfortable.

Even a simple thing like dropping something on the floor that I have to bend down and pick up in front of others can set off a mini-panic attack.  And the airplane is another factor that needs negotiating now.  I've had to ask for a seat belt extender.  HOW EMBARASSING!  And the flight attendants whisper and secretly hand it to you all covertly and stuff.  I'm over that now.  I just flat out ask for one.  No need to whisper.  It is what it is.  And it's still embarassing.  So I talked about all this stuff with my Dad and he said:

"There's your reality!"

I have been so resistant to change.  I have been so resistant to believing that my weight was out of control,  my eating was out of control,  my finances were out of control, and my relationships with men have become non-existent.  Guys don't even look me in the eye anymore when we pass on the street.

Since February I tried counting calories.  Most of the time.  Some of the time.  I did manage to lose 10 pounds since my 50th birthday.  But it's tenuous at best.  The binging still occurred.  The guys still didn't look at me.  My clothes were not getting any looser.  It wasn't really working for me.  I was still completely out of control with my eating and sugar addiction.

When I met my coach, Danny Bobrow, we discussed his charity called SMILE TREE and we talked about how MolarTron might be of service.  So when I checked out his website I saw the words LEAD BY EXAMPLE on there, and it struck a nerve.  Lead by example.  And it got me wondering how I was going to be taken seriously as a health expert if my own health was so out of control??  This was my defining moment.      LEAD BY EXAMPLE.  These three words turned on the light switch and set me into motion.  How can I stand up in front of a room full of children and tell them how to be healthy when I am not practicing what I preach?  If health coaching is going to be my new path in life, then I damned well better LEAD BY EXAMPLE.

I am counting on the TAKE SHAPE FOR LIFE journey to help me learn to LOVE the feeling of being skinny, and I will LOVE the feeling of moving my body without having to pay someone to "make" me move, and I will LOVE the feeling of being healthy.  These are my goals.

Thank G-d I am a FIREWALKER and walked across hot burning coals at Tony Robbins UNLEASH THE POWER WITHIN seminar.  I did THAT so I know I can do THIS.  I know because I see myself already on the other side, celebrating and feeling great and living longer and being happy and BEING HEALTHY (and shopping for new clothes and meeting a new man)!

In the immortal words of Spock, we should all "Live long and Prosper!"

DAY 6 It's Buck a Bone Day at City BBQ, Medifast oatmeal, & cohorts

So I'm wondering......if I can have 3 CONDIMENTS of BBQ sauce, then can I weigh out 5 oz. of brisket and get a side salad from CITY BBQ today????  It's Buck a Bone Day at City BBQ and every Tuesday for a year I have been going there for lunch.

OMG!!!   I am obsessing about City BBQ and it's only 8:25 in the morning....the other question is:  can I go to the BBQ joint and be okay without the salad dressing and the most amazing french fries on the planet?!  Those fries are better than the fries at the FAIR!  And that is some compliment, City BBQ!    French fries.  I forgot about those for a minute. Maybe on second thought I better stay away and see how I feel next Tuesday.

Great news!  I feel good this morning.  I am off all milk proteins and my sinuses and chest are clear.  I can breathe easily!  My joints ache a little less (milk really sets off stiffness and pain) and I am going to swim today.  My tummy is still bloated, but I did have a nice moment on the potty so I don't feel constipated at all. The literature states that one could feel constipated on the program, but with Ulcerative Colitis that is not a problem AT ALL!  I'll be thrilled if I have to do the doo only once a day now.  OMG!  That would be GREAT!!!!

Last night I was SO FULL by 10:00pm that I just went to bed.  I was supposed to have a 5th Medifast meal and I made oatmeal, but by the time I was done microwaving it I was ready to pass out.  And I was super full from dinner still, so I just put the oatmeal in the fridge and this morning I discovered something really cool to do!   The oatmeal had dried a little and was cold, but it had the consistency of sticky rice and was all chewy and fun to eat!!!  The sucralose sweetener was not as noticeable when the oatmeal was cold.  No more hot oatmeal for me!  At least now I found a way to eat it without complaining.  I was going to return it but I've changed my mind. Too bad it doesn't look better than it does!

So....today I'll make some more oatmeal (it is stickier and heavier with a little less water added into the recipe), and I am going to spread it out in a pan, chill it, sprinkle cinnamon on top, and cut it into small bite-sized squares!  Now I can take the oatmeal on the go with me and it feels like I'm eating a piece of...hmmm...a piece of....something!  Not cake, not a cookie, but something sweet...!  Plus the oatmeal is very filling and again, I am stuffed.  Hey!  This could turn out to be a good "breakfast before work" meal on the days I have to go into the office in the early mornings.  In the past I would eat a turkey sandwich or an egg sandwich with turkey sausage and it would hold me over until lunch.  I need something that will stick to my ribs a little on work days, and I think this oatmeal followed by a shake 2-3 hours later could do the trick.

Mmmm.  Ribs!  Did I mention it's Tuesday?!  My thoughts keep returning to the bad food that is soooooooooo pleasurable to eat but in the end is so dangerous.  Arrghghh!!  This is my challenge not just with food but in life.  I go for the pleasure and I forget the potential negative effects.  The only time I do not do this is when I am playing chess.  In chess, I look ahead at all the potential outcomes.  If I move this Castle here, my opponent can move here and here and here and here.  I need to have my chess game on in my brain when making moves in my life, especially when it involves food.  "If I eat this, I will feel...."  "If I eat this, it can cause...."

I had yesterday and today off from working at the office, to give myself a little time to adjust to my new way of life.  Tomorrow I head back into the office and have to interface with people again!  My main concern is feeling hungry in the middle of a procedure on a patient, but so far the hunger has been pretty minimal once I got past the first three days.  Like I said before, I did eat a few extra ounces of protein during those times and it helped tremendously.

LUNCH!!  Matzah brie!  Eggs and crackers are great!! 

All in all it was a good day.  I had about 2 extra ounces of turkey protein and before I knew it I had already finished off 6 almonds that were at eye level in the cupboard (I already had the crackers as a snack!).   I moved the almonds and put them in the fridge on the bottom shelf!!  No more mindless compulsive munching!!!!!  I see food and I eat it.  I have to get a grasp on that.  Maybe Overeaters Anonymous meetings are in my near future.  OA and exercise. 

Yep.  OA & E!

 

Day 5. Star Trek, working, eating. I'm FULL!

Breakfast was good.  Apple Cinnamon oatmeal with a condiment serving of cinammon!!  I gotta kill the sucralose with spice.  I'm not into artificial sweeteners AT ALL.  I'm a sugar girl.  Fake stuff is bitter to me at the end of each bite, but sprinkle on a condiment of 1 tsp cinnamon and I'm on my way to oatmeal tolerance!  Woke up feeling fine as a fiddle.  No headaches!  YAY!!  I do feel a bit bloated.  My energy is good and I'm ready to work at home.

Been working at my desk all day and I forgot to eat and drink water.  How could I forget to EAT?  Say WHAT??  It's 4:24 and I have only had 2.5 of the six daily meals and half a snack.  I like stretching out the snacks through the day.  I wonder if I can divide two snacks during a day and have more variety?  Like can I have 10 pistachios (instead of 20) along with half the snack cracker package?  Hmmm....gotta check on that....

I'm allergic to the proteins in milk and it's such a drag.  I don't eat food with milk proteins.  That means I am very limited on this Take Shape For Life program in regards to food choices.  Nothing like a little chocolate and some Star Trek captains to shake up the mid-day!   Once frozen, it takes FOREVER to finish because the Ready Made Dutch Chocolate shake is so filling!!!  11 g of protein!  UGH!  I'm so full.  

CRACKERS!  Who doesn't like crackers?  This is such a yummy snack right now!  I threw a little salmon on these multi-grain snacks and voila!  I feel like I'm eating a treat.  The salmon is sure curbing my appetite!  Wrap in lettuce and it's part of my lean and green meal. I'm gonna also add some chopped raw broccoli and dip it in balsamic. I think I'm supposed to split the lean and green meal into equal  halves if I want to eat one in the morning and one later...I just think I split the lean and green meal into thirds!  Um...not sure you are supposed to do that...I gotta check with my coach and get back to you on this.  

It's 6:50pm and I'm not hungry at all.  I had the veggie beef stew about two hours ago and I feel great.  Still a bit bloated.  I need to work on drinking more water.  I still get to eat the rest of the lean and green salmon meal with the other half of the snacky crackers and the rest of the veggies, plus I have to have another Medifast meal!  UGH!  I really don't feel like eating anymore right now, but I don't want to NOT eat all the food I'm supposed to eat.  WOW!  This is a switch!!!  I don't want to eat???   How cool is THAAAAT?!!!

Sugar Addiction and Opioid Receptors In Our Brains

So, I just wanted to talk about some research I am doing about the brain and addictions.  Most people don't realize that the opioid receptors in our brains react in a similar "feel-good" way whether we are using heroin, cocaine, or......(big drum roll here) sugar!  In fact, in lab studies involving rats, the ONLY time a rat would scale a difficult wall to get to the other side was when there was COCAINE or SUGAR as the reward.

The rats didn't scale the wall for food or water.

If you are struggling with trying to get off sugar, just Google this:

"Sugar addiction and Opioid Receptors"


You are gonna be amazed.  So stop beating yourself up about loving sugar and feeling unable to control your desire for it (like I did), and do a little investigating on the ADDICTIVE POWER of SUGAR.

Plus, sugar is bad for your teeth, too!  (This has been a public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood dental hygienist!).

On the other hand, these soy crisps are outrageously delicious and satisfying!!  And they have real sugar, not the fake stuff.  The question is, can I eat only ONE lil snack package and just stop there?? !  THAT is the challenge.  But boy oh boy, if you want a little sugar, these things are amazing!

It's 2:00am.My compulsive overeating tried to kick into gear.

Good Morning!  Had a rough night last night.  I wasn't too hungry most of the day, but by 2:00 am I was in the fridge wondering what I could eat.  Good thing I threw out ALL the sugar and tempting foods in advance!  One bite of this really yummy salmon I had prepared for the next day triggered a HUGE response from my brain (and mouth).  

Day 4: Navigating Sam's Club & Family Dinner Party

Navigating Sam's Club.  Food samples abound!

On the way to the family dinner.  In my family, food is always a feast, and a recipe for me to compulsively overeat.  

What's wrong with sniffing delicious treats?  There are no calories in sniffing.  Do you think it's ok to sniff chocolate if you can't eat it?  

Day 3: TSFL, Medifast, MolarTron, & Me!

Today I had a MolarTron gig in Sidney, Ohio.  MolarTron is my little baby I created to help kids feel good about dentistry!  Here's an intro:

A dental hygienist friend of mine connected me with her boss, Jeff Van Treese DDS.  They were celebrating their 25th Silver Anniversary in a Community Festival.  It was about a two-hour drive with bathroom stops, so I had some time to ponder my life.

Thank you Pastor James for talking about expiration dates.

INTRODUCING 

MOLARTRON & friends!

My dental super heroes are from Planet Molar X!

Our MolarTron mascot is a work in progress!  

MolarTron fights plaque & other crimes of the mouth!

Glad I had a thermal mug for soup!  On the go!  

DANCING IS GREAT EXERCISE!

DAY 2: I have to go to a birthday party. CAAAAAKE!!!

Day 1: Let's get this weight loss party started!

Modeling Pictures, back when I had a figure!

Here I am at the height of my Plus-Size Modeling career in Miami.  I was doing very well as a size 14-16.

When I drop 100 pounds, I am hoping I can model again!  What do you think?

The "Before Pictures!" Here I am today!

Here I am at my 50th birthday party, July 27, 2012.  OY.  This picture really set me off on a weight loss program of counting calories.  In the one year between then and now, I had only lost 10 pounds.

Here I am now, August, 2012

Binging and splurging

Here is the last meal I ate before starting the program.  And yes, I ate every bit of food on that plate and didn't bat an eye.  Of course, I was up all night going to the bathroom and feeling like crap.  I had all my favorite carbs:  corn on the cob, candied sweet potatoes, baked potato with ketchup and A1 sauce, plus steak, my mom's green beans, and a BBQd rib from City BBQ!  OMG!!!

Now you can see why I needed to Take Shape for Life!!!!

Oh Lordy! I'm gonna need some help here.

Went to listen to Pastor James over at the Saint James Christian Center.  I love that Pastor.  He just so happened to talk about health and making changes and leaning on G-d for support.  It was a tough morning.

but on the brigher side:

Then there was the LAST SUPPER at my Grandma's retirement home!

On Friday nights I join my family at Grandma's retirement home and we have Shabbos dinner.  This past Friday was the Last Supper there for a while.

OY!  I have "such a pretty face," but that tush has got to go!!  Um...like I haven't heard THAT before!!!  And then there's the "She's gonna do it THIS TIME!"  which is basically implying that I have been a failure all those other times. What is it that makes people say that kind of stuff?!!!!!  I hope when I'm 90-ish like they are, I never say those hurtful things to people.  Food addiction is ADDICTION, and I, for one, have to just hand it over to G-d because I can't do this on my own.  So if you listen carefully on the second video, you can hear my Aunt J say, YOU'RE SO PRETTY, YOU SHOULD LOSE SOME WEIGHT! , egged on by my mom who says, "Tell her what you wanted to say!"  I used to get really angry when anyone said anything to me about my weight (Grandma once said I had gotten "tremendous," and my mom once told me that my eating "disgusted" her) but I know they love me and they mean well.  

PART ONE

                                      PART TWO

The week leading up to the main event! GOODBYE favorite foods!

So, like any "about to start a diet" dieter, I pigged out on my favorite foods.  This is my confession tape!

    (they were strawberry, btw!)

And then there were the rounds of Chinese food!

OMG! Recording myself is so weird!! 1--6--0!

OK.  This is the week leading up to the big diet.

Dad and I were at dinner when he committed to paying $100/month toward food, and I committed to doing the Take Shape For Life program!  Then we discussed me losing 100 pounds to get down to the weight I was in my 20's.  1 ...6....0!  1-6-0!

Intro

Hello and WELCOME to my new blog!  I'm Suzi, and if you already know me, then you know that I am 51 and about 100 pounds overweight.  Yeah, I don't look THAT fat or even that old, but I am. 

Once upon a time I was not this heavy.  Just two years ago I was only 40 pounds overweight.  Yeah, I know.  40 pounds is still a lot to carry, but life was good!  I had a hot young boyfriend keeping me real happy.  I had a great dental hygiene job in Burbank, Ca.  I worked out with a personal trainer 3 times a week.  I was clicking right along and POW!  The trunk of my car lost the hydraulics and came crashing down on my dental-hygiene-working-arm (crushing my radial nerve).  Party over. 

I was home on my butt for over a year.  I gained 60 pounds.  I was inactive, depressed, in pain, and messed up.  The trunk incident happened on top of two previous whiplash injuries:  I was rear-ended in 1999 and T-Boned in 2006.  My doctor told me that if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.  With each of these accidents, plus rounds of painful physical therapy, excessive boredom, and an inability to work in my profession, I started packing on the pounds.  I tried dieting, but the only thing I lost was about 2 solid years of income. 

A few years before THAT I was looking good!  I was working in Miami as a plus-size professional model, walking the runways for Saks, Macys, Lord & Taylor, Tommy Hilfiger, and others.  I was in magazines and catalogs and TV commercials.  Not bad for a size 14 / 40 year old, right?   I joined the Screen Actors Guild and had a blast.  I was working out with a trainer three times a week and I was in the best shape of my life!  When I got rear-ended in 1999, I couldn't wear high heels anymore.  I started gaining weight during that time of recovery. 

Now, my body hurts, I have acid reflux, I can't tie my shoes anymore the way skinny people do, I've stopped working out, I wish I had a bidet, I avoid stairs because my ankles hurt on the way down and I feel unsteady (and this really sucks because I live on the second floor so I have to take the stairs everyday), my blood pressure is almost at the verge of requiring medicine, my hot young boyfriend dumped me because I gained too much weight, and boo hoo...the list goes on. 

Here I am.  100 pounds and packing.  I can't stop eating.  I've lost all control, and for a while I lost all desire to be fit.  It's a chronic daily battle.  It's frickin' hard work when you're exercising and working with traumas to your body.  Sometimes it was enough just to get up and out of bed in the morning.  So yeah, I leaned on food for comfort.  I turned to food for companionship.  My current social life revolves around food as it does for many people, especially in OHIO!  Let me tell ya, it's not like living in California where it's easy and convenient to eat healthy.  OK, that's a lame excuse.  We can all make healthy choices if we want.  I chose to make bad choices.  Dammit,  I guess I can't blame it on being in Ohio with my Jewish family and overweight friends, can I?   ;-) 
OF COURSE in my lifetime I have tried dieting, but when it comes to food and overeating I have more issues than "People Magazine."  I get sad when my plate of food is almost gone. Does anybody else feel sad to see the amount of food on their plates dwindle?  "Aww.  I'm going to have to stop eating now."  I just want to keep eating and eating and eating...

 I think about food all the time.  I salivate all day long when I know I'm going to eat at my favorite restaurant at some point in the day.  I eat until I want to puke like the Romans in ancient times.  I gorge myself everyday...and my life is a total mess.  I have no money, no man, no prospects.  All I have is me and sugar and salt and fat and a sweet convertible.  And I have MolarTron.  If I didn't have MolarTron, I think I'd really sink into the abyss.  MolarTron is a children's dental super-hero who fights Dee Kay, plaque, and other crimes of the mouth, and now MolarTron is helping kids fight diabetes, too.  I have two MolarTron & Friends books published and I go out into schools and teach kids about good dental and general health. 

MolarTron gives me a reason to get up every morning, even though I hardly sleep the night before due to two new conditions I've acquired:  menopause and sleep apnea.  Hot flashes are kicking my ass!  All night long it goes like this:  Covers on.  Covers off.  Get up and pee.  Covers on.  Covers off.  Get up and pee, turn on fan.  Covers on.  Covers off.  Shit.  The alarm's ringing.  ALREADY??  OMG!  I gotta pee!!  Gotta shower off the sweat. 

Menopause is bad enough because my hourglass shape has gone wild.  I'm an apple now.  OMG!  I have no waistline anymore.  I am all belly.  But I can't stop with the sugar, fat, and salt addiction.  I need help, big time.  So, a charitable guy I know named Danny Bobrow suggested I try "Take Shape For Life" using the Medifast 5 + 1 meals, and I have decided to do it.  And I'm gonna do it publicly...

Danny is my coach and one of his cool mantras is:  LEAD BY EXAMPLE.  Ok, so that struck a cord with me.  I was like, "Suzi, how can you stand up in front of a group of kids and tell them about the hazards of sugar and being overweight when you're overweight yourself!  I mean, COME ON!!"  So when Danny said, "Lead by example," a light went off in my head and voila!  Here I am, about to go on an incredible weight-loss journey...with YOU!

I am doing this publicly because I am a great starter but a lousey finisher, so if I have YOU to help me be accountable, then my chances for success are much higher. Remember, I'm the girl with the luck problems, so right now I need all the good luck and help I can get.

I hope you'll come on this journey with me.  If you have some weight to lose we can do it together, and encourage each other, and inspire each other!  Maybe we can make our own little group therapy session on here.

Stay tuned.  I have some video blogs to download.  I've been pigging out this week, as I know many of us do right before we start a diet.  Why do we DO that??!!!  I am so annoyed with myself. 

Video Blog is coming!

So my dad is going to help me pay for the Take Shape For Life food every month!  YAY!!!  This is great news because I can only work as a dental hygienist 2-3 days a week now with my previous injuries.  I figured out that it will cost me about $108 for all the food every week.  I spend about $300 a month grocery shopping and eating in restaurants, so Dad is going to contribute $100 to the cause.

Half the time I end up throwing out the food I buy in the grocery store, which is embarrassing to admit.   My fat friends often call me up last minute and we go out to eat.  All of my friends are struggling with their weight, too.  I told them all that things are about to change around here! 

I am giving myself a year to lose 100 pounds and get back down to my modeling weight of 160.  At least I know there will be an "expiration date" to dieting.  I was a size 14 then, and NO I'm not big-boned!  Actually, I was told that I am medium-boned, so I can't use the "big-boned" excuse.

I'm 5'7" and round like an apple.  I guess that means I'm also juicy and delicious.  Yeah, I'm single.  I mean, I gained so much weight that even I would not want to have sex with me at this point.  And I figure if I did have sex right now, being so out of shape and all, I'd probably need a week for my muscles to recover!!

For now, I will date myself!  I need to concentrate and focus on me (said the Leo!).  Guys would just distract me...and I'm only allowed 300 mg of caffeine daily so coffee dates are out!  And dinner dates are out.  And lunch dates and breakfast dates are out until I can get back in control of the enemy:  FOOD!  OVEREATING!  Lusting after sugar!  Craving carbs!  Food is the enemy right now.

And if I were an alcoholic I would NOT go into bars.  Too bad I still have to use my "drug of choice" every day, which for me is food.  I can't NOT ever eat.  I can't abstain.  I can't just say no.  Soooo....I am turning to a controlled program to help my brain STOP obsessing about what I can shove into my mouth next.  I can't wait for the carb and sugar cravings to go away.  I am excited to give it over to G-d and let sugar, salt, and fat go.   GO, sugar salt and fat!  GO AWAY!  Leave me alone!

1...6...0.  That's the magic number.  160 pounds.  See you soon!