Miraculously, I found pistachios in this holiday cookie mix at the office. Jeeminy Christmas! I mindlessly bit into a homemade cookie, began chewing, noticed the feeling of a Pavlovian sugar euphoria beginning to surge, spit the cookie out, and stepped away from the counter. Oy. Constant struggle against sugar. But, I triumphed this time! Of course, all I can think about are these pretzels as the day goes on. Oy! Is it 5:00 yet???

Another batch of holiday cookies and candy has arrived. Ugghh! I mindlessly started to eat a piece of candy as soon as I saw it, chewed it up a little, realized what I was doing, then spit it out before swallowing all those sugar and fat calories!! As long as I don't see it, I don't even think about it. But when I SEE enemy foods I automatically want them!! Crap! Now my wacky addicted brain is going to obsess about the goodies in the staff room ALL day long, now that I know they are there. This is perhaps my biggest food challenge. How does one turn off the lusting brain and stop it from obsessing over sugar???? I did eat candy yesterday, so the relapse has me craving more!!!! Now I gotta wait three days for the craving to subside. I'm so screwed with this holiday season!! So hard to stay on task. But dammit, one day at a time, right!? For me, it's also one candy-laden
staff room visit at a time!!

408 calorie candy splurge at office holiday party! Oy. Sugar.

"Water. Drink the water" --EVP on a recent episode of "Ghost Adventures." It's actually good advice really! Hey! Look at this! MolarTron got a retweet by lead ghost investigator Zak Bagans a while ago! It was so cool! My phone blew up with retweets and favorites and new followers! Thanks Zak! Now if I will only drink the water! Gotta get the water down. Very very important, true?

Lookie!! The camera likes me again! Even at 51 years old! I'm really happy! And that sugar craving went away finally. And you have seen all the holiday cookies at the office today. Oy!!!! Hey! Happy Hanukkah! No latkas for me this year!

Did you know that I used to be a professional plus-size model? When I see a photo like this, I feel really confident and attractive. I'm thinking of maybe ringing up my old agents in Florida when I get down to a size 16. What the hell? Why not, right??! Nothing to lose! Ok, well, I have forty more pounds to lose.

My Aunt Barbara told me, "You're getting your face back!" My mom keeps calling me "Skinny" now every time she sees me! I'm down 41 pounds.
Now the challenge is to drop ten more pounds and get my ass back in the gym. I'm going for an apple bottom. I never had a nice ass, or a flat stomach, so I'm going for it. I gotta experience living and feeling like a fit person before 12-21-12. Not really sure what's gonna happen then, but I got a short bucket list just in case: go out on one last fantastic date! Eat whatever I want on Christmas day (oh wait! That will be after the 21st, if we are alive), and have a tight ass. Ok. I think it can be done.

I am dying to stick my finger in the icing!! This is what I have to face every day at the office: sugar. The enemy. I have a headache from detoxing off the sugar I had yesterday. My addiction and cravings for it are in overdrive....can't....have....sugar....ever....again!! Arrrrrggghhh!!! I'm gonna beat this addiction, dammit!!! I have to leave the staff room NOW! Where's my waterrrrrr??? ok, one more whiff...but does even smelling this enemy fuel the cravings? Maybe I need to just walk away, leave it alone, get the heck away....retreat! Pull back! Step away from the cupcakes!!!

This Sugar addiction is very strong. I am craving sugar terribly right now. I've been sucking down sugarfree Popsicles in the hopes that I will trick my brain into feeling satisfied. Today it's not going so well, because I have to work now! I did have sugar yesterday, only 8 g, but still…